That’s What He Said

I’m introducing a new section to the blog today, one to be nestled under the “Laugh” aspect:

 

TWHS

These quick hits will be direct quotations from my dear husband. The themes of these quotes will normally be pop culture-related, but sometimes it’ll just be a funny rant or observation.

Let’s get started. Some of my favorite conversations with Josh occur when he mixes up celebrities or pop culture events.

Last night, a NBA Playoffs highlight came on featuring a dunk by Blake Griffin –

Josh: “So he’s good now?”

Me: “…He’s been good for awhile.”

Josh: “Well it’s probably because he dropped that woman.”

Me, confused: “What woman?”

Josh: “The Kardashian girl? He’s probably playing so well because he broke up with her.”

Me: “Oh, honey, that wasn’t Blake Griffin. That was Kris Humphries. And let’s not even get started on who dumped who.”

Josh: “Are you sure?”

Me, sighing: “Very sure.”

Jon Snow

 

The Cheater List

In light of Yankees pitcher Michael Pineda being tossed from the Red Sox game last night for pine tar, and after a text request from a friend, I decided to post a Cheater List. Now. On the subject of pine tar – I get that the baseball pros say pine tar for grip is fine, it’s an accepted part of the game and if something could “barely” be considered cheating, this is it. But. It’s still technically illegal. So all I need is Pineda to be less obvious. The rules still apply to you Pineda and the other team can’t ignore it if it’s smeared on your neck. UPDATE: MLB needs Pineda to be less obvious too – he was just handed a ten game suspension.

That being said, Pineda is the inspiration for the Cheater List, but certainly won’t be making my Cheater List. So here are some infamous cheaters and why they made my list. And by the way… I don’t want anyone to get confused – I don’t need “proof” of these cheaters. I own this place.

 1. Alex Rodriguez

Even though I’ll be addressing steroid use in baseball later in this post, I felt A-Fraud deserves his own entry. His cheating has gone past steroids and crossed into slapping the ball out of a glove, yelling “got it!” while running the bases… and even accusations of tipping pitches to the opposite team during lopsided games. Cheating for the other team? Worst cheater ever. And if this list was meant to be ranked, he would have been towards the top anyways.

2. Brad Pitt

How could you do that to Jen? America’s sweetheart? The woman that gave us the “Rachel”? This still upsets me. #teamjen

The Rachel

3. Chad Knaus

This guy was reader submitted (I have a reader! Happy dance). My dear friend Greg, who texted me this list idea, insisted on Chad Knaus making the Cheater List. When he mentioned it, the following inner dialogue took place:

“I have no idea who this guy is. Oh, look at that… Google says he’s the crew chief for Jimmie Johnson. Huh. That place that makes delicious subs has a crew chief? No, wait… That’s Jimmy John’s.  Jimmie Johnson is a NASCAR driver. Oh that makes much more sense. I love Jimmy John’s. Turkey Tom please!”

Anyways, according to Wikipedia, this Chad Knaus guy just does not adhere to the rules and is constantly being issued penalties by NASCAR. Not cool dude.

4. Rosie Ruiz

In 1980 Rosie Ruiz “won” the Boston Marathon with the fastest female Boston Marathon time in history. Turns out, she hopped onto the course with a mile left and thus became this list’s Cheater Who Isn’t Even Good at Cheating. An open letter to Rosie: You thought setting records would be the best idea? No one would question that? And when asked why you didn’t seem tired, you said “I got up with a lot of energy this morning.” Uhhh, sure. And then, 20 years later, you still maintain you ran the entire marathon. Even after later being exposed that your qualifying time from the previous year’s New York Marathon was the result of a subway ride. PS: You later went on to be arrested for embezzlement? Just stop. Cheating isn’t your thing.

5. Sammy Sosa, Barry Bonds, and the rest of Steroid Era Squad

Listen, steroid use exists in every sport. But the United States Congress has only felt the need to get involved with baseball. Steroid use was so rampant and unchecked it took an act of CONGRESS to clean up the game. Of course, the end result is that Mark McGwire should have been on the short list for an Oscar nomination for his Congressional acting testimony and MLB was forced to institute a stricter drug policy.

6.  Irving Blitzer

Irv’s 1972 Gold medals were revoked after it was discovered he put weights in the front of his bobsled to make it run faster. He should have taken his own advice: “A gold medal is a wonderful thing, but if you’re not enough without one, you’ll never be enough with one.”

Cool Runnings

7. Tiger Woods

At least he only cheated on his wife and doesn’t cheat at golf? But let’s get real here – cheating on his wife has cheated the sport of golf from seeing the greatest golfer ever break records and be awesome. His nerves of steel were shattered by a golf club. Wielded by his wife. There’s a Shakespeare tragedy waiting to be penned somewhere in there.

8. Ryan Braun

Also wins his own separate entry, due to his excessive and ridiculous defense of his own steroid use. While defending himself (and complaining that he even had to defend himself) he looked straight into a camera without batting an eye and questioned the character of the man that took his drug test, suggesting it was somehow tampered with. That man had a good name and a family and Ryan Braun was too busy covering his own cheating to consider anyone but himself.

9. Tonya Harding

WHHHHYYYYYYYYY.

10. Tim Donaghy

Being a ref is hard. They have millions of fans’ hopes, dreams and dollars riding on their calls, all while not being paid nearly enough for the fun side benefit of having their lawns torched and receiving death threats. Donaghy intentionally blew calls for two years in order to manipulate point spreads during NBA games. And thus giving credence to every fan that screams “IT WAS THE REFS!”

11. Lance Armstrong

Lance and Ryan Braun must be related. Lance denied doping allegations for years which is understandable – when he did admit to doping he reportedly lost $75 million in one day from loss of sponsorship. That kind of money would cause many people to lie. But the lies and his own steroid use aren’t my real problem with him. The viciousness with which he assaulted fellow riders, teammates, people he worked with – he attacked them all with words and lawsuits – all to support his own deceit. He cost other people their jobs and other riders their careers without showing an ounce of remorse. That’s a severe lack of character.

Lance

I have to tell you, Lance almost didn’t make my list. He ended up on it not because he cheated, but who he took down with him while he cheated. I liked Lance. The man inspired millions while raising billions for cancer research. I hate that he cheated and it’s such a shame the biggest loser was LiveStrong.

In addition to Lance squeaking on to my list…there are some that deserve to be on this list… but it still hurts to talk about Marion Jones and Bill Belichick…And since, as mentioned, I own this place… I’ll do what I want.

Who is on your Cheater List? Do you believe in “barely” cheating and that it’s a sliding scale? Or do you prefer living in a black and white world?

Hello world!

Oh, Hello there!

Welcome to my corner of the internet. I am going to be entertaining the masses with my lists (about anything and everything), as well as snippets and recaps from my life. I am going to kick off my blog with a list of things that will eventually end up in the About Me section.

1. I’m a 30 year old who loves to make lists. I made a list once of the lists I needed to make. I don’t understand how people manage without them. Oh, and I like to laugh and live my life to the fullest, hence the blog title.

2. I have a husband who is better than most. He makes me laugh, saves the good bite of the sandwich for me, and listens to me about 2/3rds of the time….which is really an excellent percentage, given how often I talk.

3. I am a Northern girl, living in a Southern world and still trying to adjust after over a decade. I have zero appreciation for sweet tea, the Confederate flag or grits. I have, however, wholeheartedly embraced flip flops in February, Chick-Fil-A and the actual use of the phrase “bless your heart.” I currently live in rural Virginia and my experiences adjusting to farm life have managed to entertain many of my friends and family.

4. I love sports with a passion that is equaled by few and surpassed by no one I’ve ever met. I love the Red Sox, Bruins, Patriots and Celtics…but the reality is I love watching sports because sometimes the impossible becomes possible. I’ve been known to fill our DVR with 190 hours of Olympic coverage every two years, watch the Little League World Series like my own child is the starting pitcher, and have a library of over 100 different sports books on everything from the knuckleball to the impact of soccer on global politics.

5. I love to read almost as much as I love sports. I read everything – fiction, nonfiction, science fiction, young adult fiction, mystery, fantasy, politics. One of my biggest soapboxes I tend to shout about is that people don’t read enough and that they’ll “just wait for the movie.” It was a book first. Read the book. The book is better. Trust me.

Grumpy Cat meme

6. I am a runner, in the sense that a mile is a mile is a mile, no matter how fast you go. I really don’t like running, but I like sitting down after running. And I like the sense of accomplishment I get from running. In order to keep up my running, I sign up for races – 95% of which are RunDisney races because…as I mentioned…I don’t like running. So if I am running, Mickey better be there to greet me at the finish line and I better be able to get a Dole Whip and a Mickey pretzel after I’m done.

7. Traveling is my favorite thing to do besides watching sports and reading. I love a good adventure and seeing new places and cultures and trying new things. I try to combine my passions by visiting baseball stadiums (16 down) and insisted on visiting the New York Public Library during my bachelorette party. To me, not traveling and seeing the world is synonymous with opening a book and only reading one chapter. I have to explore. And I love sending post cards to my friends and family…just like my favorite Fraggle.

fraggle

8. I like being organized. Remember Caboodles? They appealed nicely to my obsessive compulsive disorder – a place for everything and everything in its place. 57 compartments filled with scrunchies, Lip Smackers and slap bracelets. Nothing wrong with that. My cousin gave me one as a gift a few years ago and it might be the best gift I’ve ever gotten that I already got once as a child and wanted again as an adult. It’s filled with scrapbooking supplies now. Nothing wrong with that either.

9. I don’t really have OCD – I am blatantly misusing the term in hopes of defining my need for control and organization in a more socially acceptable way. Sort of like when you’re on a job interview and they ask you to name your biggest weakness and you obviously reply with something that could be a strength on your application to work at The Container Store – “I hate when things are out of place.” <hangs head in shame>

Organized

10. I am a certified cat lady. I have two cats, Nomar and Pesky, and if you are my friend on Facebook, you see them on a daily basis. I catalogue and photograph their lives like they are my children. I love dogs too, we just travel too much to have one right now.  I am an equal opportunity lover of furbabies, especially cute ones.

Look at that. Ten things about me. Ten feels right. But don’t get too attached – my lists will be as inconsistent as our current Spring weather. Sometimes I will have ten things to say…sometimes I will have four…and I won’t be using any filler paragraphs like I’m writing an English 101 final essay.

Any list topics you just can’t wait for me to talk about? Suggestions?