If I Ruled the World…

This list really needs no introduction – everyone has a few little, seemingly mundane, things they would change if they ruled the world. Here’s a few of mine:

1. Black Friday would remain on Friday.

Black Friday shopping would return to…. FRIDAY. Call me sentimental, but I like the days of getting up early the day AFTER Thanksgiving. Now, I am not getting on a soapbox and boycotting shopping on Thursday or anything – but I do sincerely miss the days of my alarm clock going off at 4 am, grabbing a Peppermint Mocha at Caribou Coffee (literally the only time I drink coffee all year) and waiting in a long line at Best Buy. Ahh, the good old days: Spend Thanksgiving with family, shop for still unopened $5 copies of “Taken” and “Rocky Balboa” at 4 am. Life was simple. It was nice.

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2. Let there be light.

All remote controls would light up. Our DirectTV remote doesn’t glow in the dark. And the buttons don’t light up. It’s impossible to use in the dark. And don’t tell me to memorize the buttons. I don’t need your logic.

catwatermelon

3. Amazon Wish List required.

EVERYONE would have an Amazon Wish List. They’re the best invention ever – you can create a Wish List on Amazon.com for gifts that you want and you can add things from ANY website. Everyone should have one…it’s still a surprise, but you are able to give/get a gift that they/you actually want! I update mine often because its fun…you can check it out HERE. (This is not a promotion for Amazon or buying me gifts – I just really, really, love the Amazon Wish List feature)

4. Express lane shame.

A siren would go off and lights would flash if someone tries to buy more than 10 items in the Express Lane. The prospect of public shaming may ensure people respected the item limit. Or, I could share with them what I am thinking while they check out their 42 items. On second thought, that’s probably a bad idea.

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5. Names on jerseys.

All jerseys would have names on the back. I know, I know, they play for the name on the front, not the back. But, I watch a lot of teams that are not “my teams” – college football games, World Series, etc. – and even in my infinite sports fandom I can not know all their names. It’d be nice as a consumer of sports to be able to refer to them by name rather than the dehumanized number. Not to mention give kids in high school and college a sense of pride and ownership over their personal performance.

6. No cuts.

It would be an agreed upon common law to never, ever let someone over who used an exit ramp/break down lane to pass people and then slide back over into the traffic after passing 30 cars. I do not have road rage, but this will absolutely cause me to shout “No, no no! You may not get over. Exit and re-enter the highway if you must. But NO WAY are you getting back over here. Not on my watch, Rudey-McRUDErson!” (This might be an actual quote from the last time I traversed 485 in Charlotte)

line cutting

7. Movie preview let downs.

Movies would never leave out the scenes that they show in their previews. I hate when I wait an entire movie for a scene I saw in the previews just to find out it was cut. If it’s good enough to make the preview, it’s good enough to make the movie. I was particularly disappointed that Frozen was missing this scene:

 

Obviously, if I actually ruled the world, I’d take care of more important things than these… this is my list of smallish things I would change. I am certainly not saying equal pay for women, world peace, or the curing of cancer don’t take precedence over my teeny tiny needs and wants. I’m just leaving the serious stuff for another day.

What’s on your “If I Ruled the World” list? Do you like the rules that will be in effect in Cailyn’s World?

It’s Pronounced “WeeGee”

TWHS

This weekend Josh and I were deciding what movie to see, and Josh was reading me the list of movie options at our local theater:

Josh: “Interstellar, Fury… Ooo-ja? I don’t know how to pronounce this: O-U-I-J-A.”

Me: “Ouija.” (Pronounced Wee Gee, for those who don’t know)

Josh: “No. I’m pretty sure there’s an ‘E’ in that word you just said. That would be spelled W-E-G-E. ‘We’ like me and you, and then Ge. It could also be hyphenated.”

Me: “Trust me, that is definitely Ouija.”

Josh: “That is not a ‘Merican word. I’m ‘Merican.”

So we saw “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.”

Based on a book, so I was happy.

Exclusively “American” words in the title, Josh was happy.

ouija

That’s absurd.

TWHS

About six months ago, a commercial came on for Bethenny Frankel’s talk show, Bethenny.

Josh: “Who the heck is Bethenny?”

Me: “She was on Real Housewives of New York City, now she has her own talk show.”

Josh: “Why?”

Me: “Why what? Why does she have her own show? A lot of people like her, she invented Skinnygirl Cocktails, I don’t know. She’s not even on Real Housewives anymore.”

Josh: “And now she has a talk show. That’s absurd.”

….Cut to present day, when TMZ is on and they’re covering Bethenny’s return to the Real Housewives of New York…

Josh: “Who the heck is Bethenny?”

Me, sighing: “That girl, who had her own talk show and you thought it was absurd? Her talk show was cancelled and now she’s on The Real Housewives of New York City again.”

Josh: “I don’t remember that at all. But that’s still absurd.”

Me: “Yes, honey, I know.”

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