Hey, remember that time the best basketball player in the NBA held the entire league and ESPN hostage during his free agency rumors? What’s that? It’s happening again? LeBron James has officially made my “Just Stop It” list. But this list isn’t just about athletes – here’s a list of people that I would like to sincerely ask: Please, just stop. Shhh.
1. LeBron James, Decision 2.0
Seriously? You haven’t figured out that people still hate you because of the FIRST “Decision”? And since you DIDN’T win 3, 4, 5, 6 championships, you are reeling Cleveland back in and getting that poor, poor city’s fans’ hopes up again. And even if you do pick Cleveland, you’re alienating Heat fans. You haven’t hired a PR team to help with this stuff? Someone hasn’t told you that this isn’t right? It’s obnoxious and cruel. Cleveland has suffered enough.
2. Coworkers at a meeting who say “I know we’re running over…but…”
Right. So, that means everyone is late for wherever they need to be next – and you’re still talking. Wrap it up, send it in an email, save it for next time – whatever makes you stop talking and lets us all be on our way.
3. People who put their whole life on Facebook.
Oh dear. This is still happening. Listen – I like Facebook. I like connecting with old friends, staying up to date with current friends, seeing all your adorable children’s first day of school photos, I really do love it. But. If you’re putting every meal, every argument, every piece of drama up on your Facebook – well then believe me, you’re getting Unfollowed more than Justin Beiber after his 3rd arrest and 11th breakup with Selena. Had an amazing meal that made your mouth water? A little frustrated rant about your cable (I’m looking at you Time Warner)? A tiny soliloquy professing your love for your husband/Game of Thrones/chocolate pie? All of these are fine. But I don’t need to see your oatmeal every morning or read about every argument you’ve ever had.
4. Donald Sterling
Sigh. This guy is still talking. I really wish he’d just go away. So does the NBA. And minorities. And the whole world.
5. Obsessive Dieters
Wow, can’t wait to hear more about how you went paleo/gluten-free/carb-free/exclusively orange food (hooray Cheetos!). I am constantly working on my fitness and diet, but you aren’t going to hear me drone on about what paleo is. If you ask, sure. But if that’s all I can talk about? Then I need to be quiet and eat my salad.
6. Professional athletes that are losing and whining about it.
Athletes that whine while losing should just stop – Tennis players who throw rackets and bellow obscenities after a mishit, basketball players complaining about foul calls, baseball pitchers that talk trash after a hitter takes them yard. All of them should just stop talking. Stop with the excuses because you are getting overpaid to do what you do.
6. B. Let’s add “Professional athletes that whine about money” to this. Latrell Sprewell once turned down a 3 year,$ 21 million contract because he “has a family to feed.” $21 million? That could feed a third world country. That’s 210 million packages of Ramen Noodles.
7. Mom on Mom Haters
I’m not even a mother and I already dread the day that the judgmental eye of other Moms is cast upon me. It seems like, especially on social media, mothers are constantly drinking the Hateorade and not supporting one another. My friends are always dealing with this and I can’t believe the world hasn’t started trending towards a more unified #TeamMom mindset. Parenthood looks to be really hard y’all! It scares me! And mothers are still insisting on being rude and unsupportive towards fellow mothers. I just don’t get it.
8. Kanye West
You are not Jesus. We know you think you’re a savior (you’re not) and you think you’re a genius (hey, maybe you are, I’ll give you that) and you “have to dress Kim every day so she doesn’t embarrass you”… but calling yourself Yeezus does not make your behavior even remotely Christ-like or acceptable. The man is “a proud nonreader of books” because he’d “never want a book’s autograph”…if that’s not a reason for me to wish he would just stop it, I don’t know what is.
Who do you think should just stop it? Anyone on my list that you’d take off? Is LeBron going to Cleveland?