True Life

This section of the blog looks at the hilarity that has ensued since my move to the country and my experience in this foreign land. City Girl takes on Country Life! Here are some examples:


Setting the scene – I am inside the house, watching the Bruins game. Suddenly the door opens and Josh comes bursting in, Professor Quirrell-style.

quirrell

Josh: “Cows! There’s cows on our side of the river!”

Cailyn: “What.”

Josh, very agitated: “I just went down to the river and somehow the cows crossed it and they’re on our land.”

Cailyn, unfazed: “Okay. Sweet.”

Josh: “Well what should we do about it?”

Cailyn: “Are you kidding? What is there for us to do? I don’t know how to herd COWS.”

Josh, still worried: …”Are you up for an adventure then? We need to try.”

Cailyn, sighing: “Fine. Let’s go. Let’s go herd cows. Ginormous animals. COWS. Let’s attempt to get them to cross a stream. I hope they respond well to me politely asking.”

Now, as to be expected… we got down to the river, and the cows had already crossed back over. Because, you know, they’re animals. They go home.

The cows, safely navigating the hill on the correct side of the stream.

The cows, safely navigating the hill on the correct side of the stream.



It was my first morning in our new home and I was alone and eating breakfast when I started to hear a knocking. The following internal dialogue took place:

“WHAT IS THAT? Who could possibly be knocking? Our driveway is a mile long! It’s not like someone could have snuck up on me!”

…cats go scurrying under the bed…

…I consider also scurrying under the bed…

“Ok. Must investigate. Here we go. I can read the newspaper headline now: ‘City girl gets killed by weird serial killer that claims his victims in broad daylight and after insistently knocking.’ …Do they have a newspaper here? Maybe we should get the Sunday delivered for coupons… I bet they don’t deliver down our driveway. I’d have to walk two miles on Sunday mornings for coupons…Ok, focus, I still hear knocking.”

…check the front door…

…check the side door…

…grab my cell phone and a broom so I can simultaneously call the police and beat the serial killer with a broom…

…finally tiptoe out onto the deck…

“This is how horror movies start. I’m the girl that gets lured outside and investigates the noise. I hate that girl, I can’t be that girl. I’m holding my cell phone like I’ll have time to make a call to the VOLUNTEER police services in this town of 1,456 residents. I am SO that girl…”

…and look over the rail at the basement door…

“…WHAT IS THAT. ARE THOSE FEATHERS?”

turkey2

“Oh my gosh I think that’s a turkey. Could that be a turkey? Knocking? I’m confused.”

…creep back inside, down the stairs, and slowly open the door so I can see where the turkey/serial killer would be standing…

turkey

“THAT’S A TURKEY. KNOCKING ON MY DOOR. I should try and record this. No one will ever believe me.”

This story ends with a short voice mail that I left after going back upstairs, out onto the deck:

:whispering: “Hey Josh. It’s me. Sooo I think a turkey is knocking on our back door…

…turkey hears me on deck and starts to fly away…

:suddenly shouting: “OH WAIT. DO TURKEYS FLY? It’s flying away?! Maybe it’s a vulture? I don’t know, but it flew!

:shriek: “Ahhh I just walked into a spider web.”

:slightly ashamed: “Call me back.”

I may or may not have needed to edit the language of my voice mail transcription. Which Josh STILL has saved on his phone since he thinks me almost being murdered by a polite, day time serial killer is hysterical.

Sharing is caring...
Share on FacebookPin on PinterestTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Email this to someoneShare on RedditShare on StumbleUponShare on Tumblr

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *